 I have been enjoying a loving relationship with my wife, Aja, for more than 6 years now. I would like to attribute that to being the perfect husband, but she often reminds me that we have a great relationship despite my bad habits that she must deal with. The most egregious habit is not listening to her. I always find this one hard to believe since it is such an important part of my profession, however, Aja reminds me that it would be nice if I actively listened to her as well as I do with my clients.
 It was the winter of 2020; I was on a road trip with a good friend, Greg Resnick, driving across several states in the US in search of the ultimate ski conditions. A 6-week ski road trip with nothing to worry about except for which town to visit and which ski resort to enjoy. One day we were driving in congested traffic, and I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise. Too many cars and bad drivers were delaying the start of a perfect powder day at Alta. I started to get impatient and make loud and inappropriate remarks at the drivers who were slowing us down. Greg then said something that has stuck with me ever since. “Relax and slow down, my friend. We will get there 10 minutes later than expected, and that is okay. Trying to get those 10 minutes back is not worth the risk.”
 If you live in California, you are probably an expert on understanding the AQI (Air Quality Index) by now. A measurement that tells you whether it is safe to go outside during the fire season.
Californians are in the throes of enduring yet another challenging fire season which seems to worsen year after year. Last year was a record season in California since fire seasons started getting recorded in 1932. Over 9,917 fires burned close to 4.5 million acres of land last year. Understandably, many locals are cashing in on their overly priced homes and moving to other parts of the US where they can breathe clean air throughout the year. Those who stay are having to accept that it is a new cost of living in a state that still offers more pros than cons. As frustrating and uncomfortable as it is, people adapt and figure out how to get through this time of year. The ones who don’t adjust either leave the state or remain incredibly miserable throughout the fire season.  We are experiencing one of those incredibly hot summers in California that makes me jealous of all the people who own pools. The pools that allow you to dive into the deep end and enjoy the cool refreshing water rather than the ankle-deep inflatable kid pools that quickly warm up to the outside air temperature.
In a proper pool, swimming in the shallow end is fine for many occasions. It is safe and easy. When approaching the deeper water, it requires more skill and focus, yet with greater payback when you can enjoy cooler temperatures, especially during those hot days. Developing business relationships is very similar to swimming in pools. You have contacts in the shallow end and in the deep end.  As we approach Father’s Day, I pinch myself thinking about how lucky I am to have two beautiful children who need me and love me (most of the time😉) daily. I often take this supportive role as a parent for granted, and yet it is incredibly satisfying to know that these kids depend on me. It keeps me sharp and motivated to continue to grow my business knowing that by the time they reach college, I will have to take out a second mortgage if I do not.
…One of my favorite quotes from my former boss and National Sales Leader at Deloitte, Tom Lutz.
Even though Tom sees talent and experience as important attributes to be successful in growing a business, he always falls back to the most important work habit – staying consistently active in the market. This basic rule of thumb seems simple, yet why is it hard for professionals to follow? Why do so many talented professionals fall into the “best-kept secret” category?  Going to college can teach you a lot of important things, and one of the biggest lessons in business that I learned was when I was in my third year at college. That said, it was not at school rather at home during the summer break.
One of the most memorable trips I have been on was to Bali, Indonesia in the early nineties. It was not only the beautiful coastline, incredible surf, and $10 massages on the beach, but also the unpleasant memory of the aggressive beach vendors who preyed upon each tourist from the moment they stepped off the airplane.
I will never forget that first day when I was swarmed by at least 20 vendors outside of the airport who were looking for that moment of weakness from me. The moment I said those deadly words “how much?” Once that sign of interest appeared, they would not leave me alone until I bought something from them, or I could escape into a taxi.  Photo - Ned Overend It was over 8 years ago at the NorCal High School Mountain Bike Race League fundraiser event when I received a shot in the arm that was almost as exhilarating as my recent Covid vaccination shot. I was approaching 50 years old and wondering if my competitive years as a cyclist were officially behind me. I often struggled to suppress the words I would hear my father say during his waning athletic years as an older man – “I’m getting too old for this.”
As a native Californian, I have become accustomed to shallow phrases such as “We should catch up sometime” or “Let’s try to connect sometime soon.”
These statements might appear to be genuine but are often as passive and hollow as the common question “How is it going?”. A question that typically generates a “Good” response and then you move on. These statements have become part of our passive language that is acceptable to most people. The only sad part is that these statements often do not advance the relationship or provide important feedback on the next steps to grow that relationship. They are well-intentioned remarks that can often float for months without it ever happening. |
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