​There's an old Cherokee parable about a grandfather teaching his grandson an important life lesson.

He tells the boy that two wolves are fighting inside each of us.

One represents fear, insecurity, anger, and self-doubt. The other represents courage, confidence, kindness, and optimism.

The boy asks, "Which wolf wins?"

The grandfather replies, "The one you feed."

I love this story because it reminds me how easily our thoughts can influence our behavior, especially when it comes to business development.

Think about how often we talk ourselves out of doing something we know we should do.

They're probably too busy.

They won't be able to afford us.

I don't want to come across as too transactional.

Maybe I'll wait until I have a better reason to reach out.

Sound familiar?
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I hear versions of these conversations all the time in my coaching. Smart, accomplished professionals convincing themselves not to take action based on assumptions that may not even be true.

My wife, Aja, and I are currently enjoying a mostly unplugged cycling adventure through Europe to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Our travels have taken us through Munich and the Dolomites, giving me an opportunity to blow the dust off my German.

I lived in Munich for five years in my twenties and became fluent in German. Living in the States, though, I rarely get the chance to speak it anymore.

I was surprised by how nervous I felt about using it again.

I could have easily defaulted to English, but I decided to stick my neck out and speak German, regardless of how it came out.
At first, I struggled to find certain words, and my grammar wasn't always pretty. The more I spoke, though, the more quickly it came back. Before long, I was thinking less about what I was going to say and simply enjoying the conversations.

People also seemed to appreciate the effort. They were patient and helpful when I stumbled.

The experience reminded me of something I frequently share with my coaching clients.
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Learning business development is a lot like learning a foreign language.

​I spend a fair amount of time coaching my 9-year-old in baseball and soccer, and at this age, I’ve realized I don’t care all that much about the outcome.

Of course, I want him to do well. I want his team to win, and I’d rather see him get a hit than strike out. I’m his dad. Still, when I think about what I really want him to take away from playing sports, the score isn’t very high on the list.

Most of what I tell him comes down to two things: pay attention and give it your best effort.

I also have a 5-year-old, so “pay attention” gets used quite a bit in our house. Any parent of young kids knows that saying it and having it actually happen are two very different things.

I was thinking about this recently and realized I give professionals pretty similar advice when it comes to business development.

We tend to focus heavily on outcomes. Did I get the meeting? Did they respond? Did we win the pitch? Did anything come out of that conference? Did the client hire us?
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Those are fair questions. Business development is supposed to produce business. The challenge is that when you become too focused on the result, you can miss a lot of what’s happening along the way.

​A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how business contacts can be like time-release capsules. You make a connection today without knowing when, or whether, it might turn into something more.

There’s another side to that idea.

Sometimes the reason someone doesn’t hire you today has very little to do with whether they’ll hire you tomorrow.

“Your rates are too high.”
“We’re happy with our current firm.”
“We don’t have a need right now.”
“I’m not the decision maker.”
“We don’t know you well enough yet.”

It’s easy to hear those responses as rejection. Most of them are really about circumstances, and circumstances change.

“Your Rates Are Too High”

This is probably the one I hear most often from professionals at large firms, and I understand why.

I spent much of my career at Deloitte. We were rarely the least expensive option, and clients knew it. I can remember plenty of situations where a client liked our team and our approach, but another firm was offering to do the work for less.

The natural reaction is to defend your rates or look for ways to bring the price down.
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Before you do that, get curious about what the client is actually comparing.

I’ve had a hell of a vacation.

Four canceled flights. A hotel Wi-Fi issue that forced me to reschedule a group coaching session. Throw in a few other travel headaches, and this has easily been one of the roughest stretches of travel I can remember.

In fact, I’m writing this from an airport lounge after that fourth canceled flight, still trying to get home. Wish me luck.

What has been interesting through all of this is seeing how differently people respond when things go wrong.

Some people seemed completely indifferent. A few were downright rude and acted like I was somehow ruining their day by asking for help. I was already dealing with a canceled flight, and somehow I walked away feeling like I was the problem.

Others were fantastic. They listened, understood why I was frustrated, and did what they could to help. They couldn’t always fix the problem, but I never expected them to perform miracles. I just wanted to feel like someone cared and was trying to help. That alone made a huge difference.

In some cases, the problem was essentially the same. The response was completely different, and so was the way I felt about the company afterward.

It got me thinking about a question I often ask my clients:

Are you chasing the next opportunity, or are you building a long-term relationship?

We tend to think of business development as everything that happens before the work comes in. You build the relationship, have the meetings, learn about the client, and hopefully win the engagement.

​A topic has come up in several of my coaching conversations recently.

I talk a lot about approaching business development with curiosity. Instead of reaching out because you want to tell someone about your firm or your services, reach out because you’re genuinely interested in their business, what they’re seeing in the market, and what they’re thinking about right now.

Recently, a few clients have pushed back on me.

“Doug, doesn’t that still sound like a sales line?”

It can, and I think that’s an important distinction.

Saying, “I’d love to hear what you’re seeing in the market” is certainly better than asking for 30 minutes to talk about your capabilities. The person on the other end may still be thinking, Why should I spend 30 minutes telling you what I’m seeing?
Curiosity is the right mindset. It just may not be enough to motivate someone to meet with you.
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This is where I think we need to be a little smarter about prospecting. Give people a reason why the conversation might be useful to them, too.

​Over the past few weeks, I've noticed a common theme in my coaching conversations.

Many of my clients have been taking on the 4-Week BD Challenge. The assignment is simple enough: reach out to one business contact each day, five days a week, for four weeks.

A couple of weeks into the challenge, I usually hear the same question.

"Doug, I'm doing the outreach. Why isn't anything happening?"

It's a fair question. But I usually tell them they're asking the wrong one.

In business development, we spend far too much time measuring outcomes and not enough time measuring consistency. That's a misleading way to judge progress because the results rarely show up on our timetable.

Somewhere along the way, we've developed unrealistic expectations about business development. We send an email, reconnect with a former client, attend a networking event, or have coffee with a referral source, and if nothing happens within a few weeks, we start wondering whether it was worth the effort.
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That's not how relationships work.

​I'm writing this from our vacation home in British Columbia, where my family and I are enjoying a few weeks away.

One of the highlights of the trip was spending a day on the water in a Zodiac, watching a pod of orcas hunt seals.

It was an incredible experience.

What struck me most wasn't the hunt itself. It was how the orcas behaved. They were quiet and relaxed. Nothing looked forced or loud. Every movement had a purpose.

Our guide explained that hunting seals is very different from hunting salmon. Seals are much smarter, making them far more difficult to catch. Success depends on patience, coordination, and knowing exactly when to act.

As I watched them, I realized they weren't trying to create more opportunities. They were completely focused on the opportunity in front of them.
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That stayed with me long after we headed back to shore.

​As we wrap up the first half of 2026, I always find this to be a good time for reflection, a reset, and a refined focus.

It's been an incredible year. The Business Development Shift launched in March, my coaching practice continues to thrive, and Aja and I have loved watching our kids grow into thoughtful, curious, and fun little humans.

Like most years, it hasn't all been positive.

We've lost loved ones. Both of our kids have spent time with the orthopedic doctor after breaking bones. Like most things in life, not everything is going to be rosy, especially when we're willing to stick our necks out in pursuit of learning and growing.
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I've never been a big fan of staying in the comfort zone where everything feels safe. Earlier in my career, I spent too much time there. I avoided risk because I wanted to avoid failure, and over time, I found myself losing the passion I once had for my work.

​This past Monday, I took my son, Lukas, to the FIFA Club World Cup match at Levi's Stadium. It was Jordan vs. Algeria, and we honestly didn't know much about either team, but that didn't matter.

The atmosphere was incredible. Fans from both countries filled the stadium with nonstop energy, and you couldn't help but get caught up in it. It was one of those experiences we'll both remember for a long time.

As the game went on, I found myself paying less attention to the score and more to how the teams played.

Neither team had a global superstar like Messi or Ronaldo who could simply take over the game. Every player had a job to do. They defended together, attacked together, and trusted one another. When someone made a mistake, another teammate was there to cover for them.
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It reminded me of this U.S. Men's National Team. This has been one of their best World Cup starts in years. They've benefited from strong leadership, a clear identity, and a system where every player understands what's expected of them. Talent matters, but culture and leadership have made the difference.