 Today (Halloween) is the only day of the year where most people embrace fear. Haunted houses, scary costumes, and creepy chimes are celebrated by kids and adults. The rest of the year, many people live in fear but a different kind of fear.
Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of leadership change. Fear of (fill in the blank). Suffice it to say, fear can be a debilitating state of mind that stunts forward progress, and overall happiness. How is it that fear has become one of the leading causes of anxiety, depression, and anger? Is it the media? Social upbringing. One’s DNA? Whatever the reason, it is important to be cognizant of the fact that we can take fear head on and do something about it.  I recently spoke with a client, Alexandra, who is a tax partner at a large international law firm. Alexandra shared with me an interesting challenge at work. One of her clients asked for help related to an IP matter. Alexandra graciously offered to help by finding someone at her firm in their IP group. One of the advantages of working at a large firm. The challenge for her became finding someone. She didn’t have any relationships with her IP colleagues which made the task of finding someone much more arduous and time-consuming.
After a day and half of searching for the right colleague, she eventually found someone who could help. Alexandra scored bonus points in helping her client, yet it was at a cost – several nonbillable hours trying to track someone down. If she had established a relationship with someone in the IP group in advance, she would have saved time and frustration during her search. It could have been as easy as one email or phone call.  My former brother-in-law, Lewis, may he rest in peace, was a huge influence on me during his time with us. Lewis was a talented artist whose creativity shined through his artwork. In one of his canvas pieces, he allowed me to add to it in the final stages. I suggested we add a coral figure since the painting reminded me of an underwater scene. Lewis added it and it looked horrible. I was mortified. I thought we ruined an amazing piece of art.
Lewis confidently said to me, “don’t worry Doug, we can easily change it.” He worked his magic with the paint brush and blended the coral figure into the piece where you could barely tell we added it in the first place. He then said to me “if you don’t like the way something looks, you can change it.” It was an aha moment for me because his words resonated with me in so many aspects of life. We often dwell on things that are not working out for us, but don’t do anything to change it. When we finally make the change, we realize that it wasn’t that hard to do after all.  Photo by Craig Adderley I often reflect on the daily grind and wonder how we get through it. The stresses of work and family alone can drive one to the funny farm. Why do we do this to ourselves? We can come up with plenty of reasons, but we still need to keep our lives in check before it is too late.
A good friend of mine just told me about one of his friends who passed away last weekend by slipping off an infinity pool and breaking his neck. He was 38 years old. Another close friend of mine decided to take a weeklong vacation to enjoy a break from his stressful work schedule only to have his vacation plans blow up on his first day. His accommodations fell through upon arrival. He had to scramble to find new accommodations while keeping his pregnant wife and 7-year old daughter happy on day 1 of a much anticipated weeklong vacation. Stressors can hit us from all angles. Kids act like kids when we want them to act like adults. Clients act like kids when we want them to act like adults. Even spouses act like kids when we want them to act like adults. Whatever the situation, they can pile up to the point where our blood pressure goes up to unhealthy levels, sleep deprivation sets in, our overall health gets neglected, and our quality of life suffers for an inordinate amount of time. This state of being can take years off of our lives if we don't do something about it.  Photo by Sora Shimazaki I met with a fellow consultant this week over Zoom who often operates as a fractional Chief Listening Officer for his clients. This is a C-Suite title I have never heard of, yet I love it!
His clients, primarily law firms, hire him to meet with their clients to gather feedback on how the firm is doing. He meets with them in person, asks a lot of questions, and listens. He doesn’t try to defend the firm nor give excuses for any issues the client raises. He simply listens and brings the feedback back to the firm. Clean, unfiltered feedback. The firm can then decide how they want to respond. If it is negative feedback, they can discuss with the client how they can proactively make it right. If it is positive feedback, they can praise their colleagues associated with the work and discuss how they can continue this track with all their clients.  As my wife and I are planning our 2-week trip to Spain this Fall, I regret not taking my high school Spanish teacher, Senior Gomez, more seriously when I was in his class. I often grew impatient and never bothered to practice what we learned. At the time, I didn’t appreciate how much learning a second language could help me today, especially Spanish in California.
For business professionals who are skilled at their craft, learning a “second language” such as business development could be immensely beneficial if they bothered to learn it and practice it. Yet like how I was in high school, if it didn’t produce immediate benefits, what was the point? In today’s competitive market, professional services firms are now realizing how important it is for all their client-facing professionals to be proficient at business development. They are allocating more of the annual budget to BD training and coaching. Some are hiring internal trainers and coaches while others bring in external trainers and coaches. Leadership sees the benefit, but do all the practitioners? Sadly, no.  I recently spoke with a client, Amy, who landed a large matter that she was excited about. Her new client, Susan, was someone who checked all the boxes – a seasoned buyer, someone who understood the value-add that Amy and her team brought to the table, and a client with ample budget for the work.
To top that, the work fit into Amy’s niche. It was work that aligned with her core strengths and interests. I asked Amy how she originally met this client. She had to think a minute because it had been a couple of years since her first contact with Susan. She met her at one of her daughter’s soccer matches. Over time, and several subsequent soccer games, Amy learned that they had more in common than just chauffeuring their kids to various sporting events. Susan liked to hike with her dog, and enjoyed fine wine. Things that Amy enjoyed, as well. She also learned that her new friend happened to be General Counsel for a large tech company in Silicon Valley.  Photo by Shane Rounce I have been working with several groups of attorneys and consultants in the past few years and have discovered a common theme with these groups of professionals who work together at their same respective firms – no one really knows their colleagues.
Sure, some of them know each other through working together on client matters, or meeting folks at firm retreats, but most of them don’t take the time to get to know each other and explore ways to help each other.  Photo by Matthias Zomer I am going through a sobering and humbling time this week as I help a close family member with Alzheimer's transition into a memory care facility. A home for people who have literally lost their minds.
Every day, I appreciate more about the sound mind that I have, and care less about the trivial things that I would often get hung up on. It can be bittersweet to have a “healthy” mind. On the one hand, we can execute at an intellectual level that many people are no longer able to do. On the other hand, our intellectual minds get in the way of our progress due to over analysis and negative thoughts.  I was sitting in front of an important prospective client with my colleague who was in town visiting for a few days from our Chicago office. My colleague was a seasoned partner who I assumed was good in front of clients. “No need to prep him for this meeting.” I thought. Mistake number one.
The client, my colleague, and I exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, and then it began. My colleague switched gears and said, “well, I assume we are meeting today to talk about me and my experience…” |
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